{"id":647,"date":"2023-01-08T19:14:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-08T19:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/intergalactic.computer\/social\/?p=647"},"modified":"2023-01-08T19:19:32","modified_gmt":"2023-01-08T19:19:32","slug":"episode-two-michael-mouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intergalactic.computer\/social\/2023\/01\/episode-two-michael-mouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Episode Two – Michael Mouse"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\n

Download file<\/a> | Play in new window<\/a> | Duration: 30:16 | Recorded on January 8, 2023<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts<\/a> | Stitcher<\/a> | Google Podcasts<\/a> | Spotify<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

CC-BY-SA 4.0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Written by Andrew Roach<\/a>, Connor Buchanan, Dan Wilson<\/a>, Sam<\/a>, and Cerulean. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Music by Connor Dylan<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sound effects by Graham Makes<\/a> and Nexotron<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Transcript: <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Welcome to the future. The year is 3022 and this is the crew of the starship Jupiter\u2019s Ghost. What follows are stories reconstructed from the mission briefings, personal logs, and intership communications recorded by the starship. Join the crew on their mission of mutual aid and solidarity in deep space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Communications log: Destination: Jupiter\u2019s Ghost; Source: Archival Collective, Marandaram, Luna.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Operator: Michard Winsley.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This is a response to your data request from the Exo-Cryptozoology Department. Enclosed is six Teraquads about the extinct Terran species, Mus Musculus<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Additionally, 745 Terraquads about the mythological creature, Michael Mouse<\/em>. I briefly reviewed this material. Please be cautious: mice can carry diseases such as Salmonella, Hantavirus, and Copyright Infringement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve included replicator formula for cures for all of these in the databurst. I find the prospect of a living mouse very exciting. Please keep us apprised if you do capture this creature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Personal log: Crewman James Andrews.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Per the captain\u2019s request, I\u2019ve been conducting onboarding interviews with the crew of the Generation Ship that we found floating in space. Eh, \u201cfloating.\u201d I mean, they were propelled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They were, technically, traveling under their own power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s just that that power was solar sails, a technology that we abandoned 780 years ago. This has been one of those mundane kind of routine things that we occasionally do on the ship. We\u2019re introducing the crew to new technologies, helping them get up to speed with the advancements that humanity has made in the last 800 years, introducing them to some aliens, so on and so forth. Normally, this is fine. Sometimes it\u2019s even a little fun. People really freak out when they realize how far we have come. But, um, this one\u2019s been weird<\/em>. I\u2019m not sure these people are human. I mean, they look human, but they don\u2019t act human.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also beginning to strongly suspect that whatever mouse or mouse-like creature we have picked up on the ship came from the Generation Ship. Not really sure how that would happen as we started experiencing these odd symptoms a day or two before we docked with the Generation Ship, but I got no other explanation for it. We docked with the Generation Ship, and now everything\u2019s broken all the time. I mean, everything was broken all the time already, but it\u2019s like a 40-year-old ship we\u2019re flying here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Honestly, their Generation Ship works better than ours does because they actually understand how it works. According to the internal computer on the Generation Ship\u2013I should really find out what that ship is called, I\u2019ve just been calling it \u201cthe<\/em> Generation Ship\u201d as if it\u2019s the only one, we sent out like 10,000 of these things back in the early days of spaceflight. Let me start over. According to the internal logs on the Generation ship, this Generation Ship, it\u2019s not THE Generation Ship, come on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But according to the internal logs on this Generation Ship, they\u2019ve been in flight for about 110, 120 years. Basically everybody who had seen Earth is dead. But most of the people on the ship knew somebody who had seen Earth, you know? Their parents, their aunts and uncles. They haven\u2019t been flying for that long, comparatively speaking. It\u2019s a Generation Ship, but it\u2019s really only been one generation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s lots of kids. It\u2019s weird to see kids on an old, rickety spaceship. It\u2019s not old and rickety. I gotta be nicer to them. Their spaceship\u2019s really nice, it\u2019s just an antique. But it\u2019s weird to see kids in this environment, you know? And old people. I mean, I guess we\u2019ve got some old people on the Jupiter\u2019s Ghost, but like, they\u2019re like, you know, modern old people, biologically enhanced, and they\u2019re gonna live to be 300. These people, like, they\u2019re in their 70s and they look like they\u2019re 300. It\u2019s gross.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s gross. And I told them that, and now they won\u2019t talk to me. Crewperson Trilo has been leading these interviews, because I really just couldn\u2019t care at all. And they\u2019re very eager to help, but I can\u2019t figure out what their job is, or what they\u2019re good at. It seems to be everything, but also absolutely nothing. And I really don\u2019t know what to make of that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The crew of the Generation Ship got really excited when they met Trilo, though. Just\u2026 it was like, not only did they know Trilo, but\u2026 like they were some kind of celebrity? Like Trilo had been\u2026 a star of a holo-novel, or something. It was very bizarre. I got no explanation for it. But Trilo\u2019s been living it up. I\u2019m concerned for what this is doing to their ego, I\u2019m concerned for what this is doing to the crew of the Generation Ship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nah, who am I kidding? I\u2019m not concerned. It\u2019s kind of funny. I\u2019m gonna let them have this moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Personal log for ship doctor, Leopold \u201cMuscles\u201d Hatfield.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I have concocted a new plan to make myself a tremendous amount of credits. You see, the new people, the people on the Generation Ship, they don\u2019t have the same concept of post-scarcity that we do. Because on the Jupiter\u2019s Ghost, we really don\u2019t have scarcity? The things that we need to live on the ship, we kind of just all have. We just have access to them. And it\u2019s really hard to make any money off of anybody that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But as it just so happens, two things have coincided that I think are very promising for me. One is that these new folks don\u2019t really understand that our ship\u2019s leadership would just distribute something if it was available and it was needed by the members of the ship. And our ship is also being hit with a sort of crisis related to the mouse or mice or whatever they are. It\u2019s possible there\u2019s some kind of other creature, which that could be its own problem in and of itself. But we have a great opportunity here to solve a problem by selling everybody on the ship mousetraps. So what I\u2019m going to do is I\u2019m going to go over to the Generation Ship and I\u2019m going to promise all of them lots of money if they help me make and sell a bunch of mousetraps. See, we got all this scrap metal on the ship, on both ships really, that we can use to fashion some good old-fashioned mousetraps. I\u2019ve never actually made one or seen one before, but I did a great deal of research in the library, looking into some old encyclopedias and stuff like that. It\u2019s just kind of this clamp that you leave hanging open and then when the mouse comes in to get some kind of cheese or some kind of treat that you leave in there to trick the mouse, the clamp just (claps hands) right down on the mouse and kills it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But since everyone is so paranoid on the ship today about the mouse, I think this is a great opportunity for me. So I\u2019ve already gone around and started hoarding a whole bunch of supplies in my room and I\u2019m going to have a meeting with the folks on the Generation Ship tomorrow. And I\u2019m going to kind of try to Tom Sawyer them into making some mousetraps for me. And then everybody, everybody on both ships is going to want one of those mousetraps. And I have so many credits, I\u2019m not going to know what to do with them all. No, really, I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m going to do with them all. It\u2019s the same problem that I had with my illegal gambling. You can have all the credits in the world that you want, but you can still only eat so much food in one day. So I don\u2019t really know what purpose it serves yet, but I will find a way to accumulate a very large number of credits. And I\u2019m going to use them for something. And I\u2019m probably going to have fun. I\u2019m going to have fun doing it. If nothing else, it\u2019s good for the excitement, of the action of just pulling one over on people. So, yeah, we\u2019ll see how that goes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Leopold Muscles Hatfield, signing out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Personal log, Captain Jackie Jones.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Ey\u2019bal Gowjr found out about our boxing group, and he\u2019s been sulking. He\u2019s decided to legitimize it which means I probably won\u2019t be able to participate anymore. Unless I want to start boxing the senior staff? It would look untoward. Come to think of it, I might want to schedule some fistfights with the senior staff? Hm. Or maybe I\u2019ll just start a second, even more underground mixed martial arts club, so I can keep beating up the cadets.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah, I think I\u2019ll let everyone heal up for a bit and then start something new. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jones out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Ship\u2019s log: Crewperson Taros Kadathran reporting.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I was finally able to crack into the Generation Ship\u2019s logs. It seems my signal transmogrifier couldn\u2019t make heads or tails of their data because it wasn\u2019t in chronological order, or at least not a chronology that my equipment could recognize. Once I adjusted for variable timelines, however, the logs were mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But based on the computer logs and outgoing message records, it seems that it\u2019s not just that the ship\u2019s computer was recording data out of order. If I read between the lines, I think what could be happening is the inhabitants themselves are experiencing time out of order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take this children\u2019s writing assignment I pulled from the educational records, for example, quote:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Today, Grandpa Joe and I had lunch to celebrate his birthday. We had ice cream and then toast for dessert. Today, he is 71. Yesterday, he was 74. He invited us to have breakfast with him later that day or week, depending on the coffee. We had lasagna.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

End quote. First of all, who has ice cream as a meal and then toast for dessert? Absolutely absurd. Lasagna, for breakfast, after lunch? What does \u201cday or week, depending on the coffee\u201d even mean?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My only explanation is that time on the ship is wacky\u2026 or maybe mice are now eating my brain, instead of my equipment, and I\u2019m wacky. Anyway, just talking about it gives me a headache. I heard the ship\u2019s doctor has mouse traps. Maybe he can prescribe one for my potential mouse headache. I just don\u2019t know anymore. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Taros Kadathran out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Personal log: crewperson James Andrews.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I was just talking to Birmingham in engineering and\u2026 you know what it\u2019s like trying to decipher a Verbenubi technobabble, but I think the Generation Ship is using some kind of time compression drive? I don\u2019t really know what that means. Mr. Irish insisted that it was \u201cleaking time\u201d and \u201copening time holes\u201d and he was, well, he was excited. He seemed to think that this was a good thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Generation Ship crew won\u2019t talk to me anymore ever since Trilo told them that I\u2019m not very nice. So I\u2019m going to ask Trilo if they will ask the crew about it. Maybe the crew will be able to explain it in galactic standard instead of nerd Verbenubi sci-fi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/a>Hi, it\u2019s Lady Moonbeam. I mean, um, personal log: crewperson Lady Moonbeam.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Okay, so there is a mouse. I do not know what a mouse is, exactly, but I want to know what it tastes like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have eaten several things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n